Psychotherapy/Counseling
What will you
be "signing up for" if you decide
to work with one of the 
therapists
at the Relationship Resource Center?
While each client's needs are unique and each of us has our own individual style,
there are some similarities in how we work. First of all, we approach our work
with a strong commitment to relating to our clients with respect and compassion.
We do not see ourselves as "the experts" who analyze you and judge you.
Instead we see ourselves as fellow travelers who, in our own journeys, have gained
wisdom and skills that can help you on your journey.
Secondly, all of our staff have a strong theoretical and practical base in traditional psychotherapy. In addition, over the years, we have explored many new psychological theories and clinical approaches to helping people heal and grow. We have integrated those approaches that we found to be most effective (for more details, click on Theories We Use) into therapeutic styles that assist clients in leading happy, productive, relational lives.
We also want you to know that, in seeking to develop healthy, intimate relationships with yourself and others, you are signing up for some of the hardest - and most rewarding work - you may ever do. This is so because, in order to be intimate, we must 1) overcome our instinctual need to defend and protect ourselves - the urge to fight or flee when we feel threatened; and 2) move out of the cultural programming that tells us that, in any relationship, one person must be one-up - or "win" - and the other must be one-down - or "lose". These patterns are difficult to see and even more difficult to overcome but, with guidance and support, you can do it. And the rewards are fantastic! You become more fully alive and more deeply and passionately connected - with yourself, with others and with life!
A Brief Road Map
The first terrain you (and your partner in couples' therapy) will be asked to explore is the effect that living in our competitive, anti-relational culture has had on you and on your relationships. Next, you will be helped to understand how your relationships - with parents, siblings and friends, as well as partners - have brought you to where you are today. You will also be assisted in recognizing the patterns of protecting yourself and getting your needs met that you developed in these relationships - and how these are, or are not, working for you now. All along the way, you will be learning new skills that will enable you move out of the beliefs and behaviors that no longer work for you and to be safe, truthful and loving with yourself and with others.
Theories We Use
We have found the following three approaches to be most powerful in supporting people on their relational journeys. Each section contains suggested readings and a link to a website for even further exploration.
Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, M.A., is a combination of a number of different approaches to improving relationships. All of the RRC staff are certified as Advanced Clinicians in this work. In addition John, Mary and Howie are certified as Workshop Presenters.
This approach helps you understand why you chose the person you selected as your partner (and they chose you), how your childhood experiences influenced both your choice of partner and the ways you act with each other. It explains why you get frustrated and in power struggles with each other. It also teaches you a set of skills and processes to help you move through the power struggle phase of relationship into a place of deep connection and intimacy. You can experience this work in the weekend intensive workshop - Getting the Love You Want - as well as in couples' sessions with a trained Imago therapist.
You can read more about this theory in Harville and Helen's book, Getting the Love You Want, or click on this link for articles about the work www.imagorelationships.org.
Relational Recovery Therapy, was developed by Terrence Real, Ph.D. The RRC staff are currently enrolled in his intensive training program and plan to be fully trained in this approach by the end of 2004. This work begins by focusing on the one-up/one-down -win/lose model of relating that is so common in our culture that none of us can escape its influence. It emphasizes particularly the dance of entitlement and resentment that occurs between men and women because the culture dictates that men should be one-up and women should be one-down. In addition, it helps you to see the unconscious "stance" that each partner in your relationship takes and how these two create the "dance" that you can't seem to get out of. It also teaches a set of relational skills that can enable you to practice intimacy daily in your relationships.
Dr. Real's two books about his theory are I Don't Want to Talk About It and How Can I Get Through to You? You can read more on his website www.relationalrecoveryinstitute.com.
The Enneagram describes nine basic personality types, each with
its own worldview and motivations for behavior. Each type has its inherent strengths
and gifts and each is likely to constrict and distort the self in specific ways.
Each type also has it own growth path. An understanding of the Enneagram can
greatly enhance your understanding of and compassion for your own and others'
behavior. It can also help you to not take what others do so personally and
thus reduce the pain you so often experience in relationships.
There are numerous books written about the Enneagram. A brief introduction can be found in The Enneagram Made Easy by Renee Baron. A more thorough treatment is The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson. A good website is www.enneagraminstitute.com.